Naked and (Not) Afraid

It was yours, first. "You're [still] the boss."

March. The last time I posted, was in March. It's June. June 19th. I'd like to tell you where I've been...but I'm still trying to figure that out. I've moved, literally and figuratively. I separated from my husband, moved to LA, and my only possession is my mini guitar (kidding. I own clothes. I just look better out of them.)

Trying to wrap my head around the last few months, enough to give a detailed description; ok. I'm a single woman, living in a studio apartment, in LA, trying to get her life together. I tell myself, everyday, to take it one step at a time...but like, rent. It's so hard to motivate myself, in this space - but I continue to try. Last week, my husband told me he was "...seeing someone." When people don't waste any time. At first, I was elated and happy for him, because I was worried about his well-being. As the days past, I began to feel...no, I allowed myself to feel the hurt. I don't want to get into the personals, because I still have respect for the man I shared the past 13 years of my life with. While we are no longer together, our friendship is important to me, even when I'm hurt.

He's doing exactly what he's free to do. Which made me stop and think, "Bitch, why aren't you doing the same?!" It's because, I've been taking my time. This has been a very long transition, for me (last September). I want to know I've solid foundation, within myself. This means a lot of learning and constant growing during this transition, into my new self. Believe me when I say, I've changed, am still changing...and it feels fucking amazing (even when it doesn't feel so good). The steadiness in my pace is keeping and setting me, exactly where I'm meant to be. For that, I am the most grateful, even when I'm hurting.

There is someone I've been confiding in. 

I feel safe.

I feel womanly.

I feel loved.

I feel freedom.

Every moment spent in that space, makes me confident in every decision I've ever made and with everything that has happened, in my life. Being gifted such a space, with such a person, makes every bit of my past life, worth it.

Are there missing pieces in our lives, or do we fear the wholeness, that is already within us? That’s a rhetorical question. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy. Trying to find inspiration, to stay busy...but as I type this, all that runs across my mind is, fuck being busy. I want to get busy. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I had sex, let alone, the mind-blowing kind. I’m a strong believer that sex is a major component of stress relief and inspiration. In the next 10 years, I plan to go back to school to get my Ph.D in sex therapy. It is my true calling. I’m going to be 60 and sex-driven. Watch.

I’m meeting with a jazz pianist next week. 
I’ve released a new single.
I have a show at The Viper Room, July 16th.
I’m looking for an agent.
I’m giving voice lessons.
I’m a certified Reiki healer...I be healin’ folks.

Busy.

I’m going to give myself more credit. I’m doing the best I can, with the money, time and patience I have. That’s all I can do. Anyway, I’m back (I think). 

Onward and upward.