Defined

Earlier this year, I got this, as an extension of my middle finger.

For a very long time, I've contemplated moving away from my career. Literally, finding another love, and putting all of my focus in that. But like a tiresome love, I return, just to see if I'm really done. It's abusive, really. To be an entrepreneur, one has to be able to endure mental and emotional abuse. Truly, it's 10% success, 90% anguish. "See this anguish. Feel this anguish. Carry it. Repeat." 

(I'm not a motivational speaker. Also, I'm not too sure if all my punctuations are being used properly. I'm not a book editor. Not a comic, either, but hopefully, my sarcasm shines through this black 'Times Roman'.)

When I was little, I wanted to be a disco or ballet dancer. That has nothing to do with anything (or maybe it does). I just wanted to let you know what I could have been. Everything in life all seems impossibly, possible. I think that's the reason I always find myself back in the dysfunction of entrepreneurism. Somehow, I feel the need to conquer this torturous way of living. I don't want to be defeated. In the times when I have thrived through it all, I felt like a fucking superhero. And being a black woman...need I say more on why feeling like a superhero is imperative for my mental health?? (If you don't understand why this is so important, lose this URL, 'cause you problematic as fuck - and already, not liked.)

In 2011, I discovered the label I was with, wasn't shit. I was in central London, stunned and confused. I jumped in a black cab. The cabbie must've seen the realization (on my face) of the 3 year lie, I only just realized, I'd been living. I rode in silence. Just as I stepped out of the cab:

"Chin up, lov. Whatever it is, it will get better, yea?"
"Cheers. I really appreciate that."
"Enjoy the rest of your day."

That's exactly what I did.
Two days later, everything got better.

I try my best to remind myself, whenever it all feels impossible, to keep my chin up and enjoy the rest of my day. Sometimes, I fail, and that's perfectly ok with me. Positivity isn't made up of smiles, laughter and good times. It's allowing what is, to be. In accepting its existence, I allow myself to stay present and grow from it. For me, positivity is trusting the process, no matter what. Quote me. I'm glowed up.

Upward and onward.